My love-hate relationship with dating.

Dating. Who's doing it and what do you think of it? I am currently dating, and I must say; I have a love-hate relationship with it if I'm truly honest with you. I LOVE when you're two or three dates in, but I get SO nervous before a first date, no matter how well I know the guy.

I over think everything, so I worry about EVERYTHING before I meet someone. I come across as very confident and approachable but I actually really suffer from nerves in situations where I have to put myself out there. Anyone else with me on this? I can chat utter shite on Instastories, be the loudest in the room at an event but put me in front of people on a panel, make me do public speaking or send me on a first date, and I'm a nervous wreck!

I am 32 this year, and I have yet to go into detail about my love life here on the blog. To be honest with you all, fashion was my primary focus here for years but as time's gone on; my confidence with writing has grown, and I love sharing more of the lifestyle-type posts with you all. I am really open, and I don't have much of a filter when I'm chatting away on Twitter or Instagram; SO why shouldn't I be more like that here on the old blog?

So here we go... here's my dating history eek!

I haven't had the best love life. I had a few, short relationships at school but that was it. Lots of snogs and fumbles (don't fancy being too graphic seeing as my Mum reads my blog) but nothing long term. I was fortunate and privileged to go to a boarding school from the ages of 13-18, and I loved it, but I was pretty much single for the whole time. I had flings with guys, but apart from being scarily obsessed with a guy there for, I'd say five years...I never really felt like any of the guys were my type. I moved to London when I was 18 and BOOM this was more like it! Guys from different countries, guys from different backgrounds, guys who weren't just public school toffs... I was like a kid in a candy shop!

In my first week of Uni, I fell for a guy in my Halls of Residence. I met him in a lift, invited myself into one of his parties later that week, and we instantly hit it off. We became best friends immediately, went out with each other and dated for a while (I think it was a year?). Fast forward to 2018, and you might know the guy...he's still my best mate and he is called Bob. Bobbi is now a fully-fledged homosexual hahaha. I know what you're thinking, and no I didn't turn him gay. I knew he was Bi when we got together, but I actually helped him to come out when we broke up, and I love him with all of my heart. Bob is THE best person I have ever met, and I am so glad he's my best friend.

After Bob, I met a guy through a friend.  I fell in love with him, dated him on and off for years and then got into a relationship with him for approx 3 1/2 years. We broke up but continued to date/sleep together for years after and I'd say he was the first guy I've truly loved. I then dated different guys on and off after him (some great dates, some were awful, maybe I need to write a post on all my dating fails?) before meeting someone in 2015. I don't feel much like talking about this guy if I'm honest with you...but let's just say, I'm glad that's over with LOL.

It's 2018, and after a few nice but not-quite-right-dates as well as DISATEROUS dates since my ex, I am back feeling confident and enjoying the dating scene again, kind of.

Dating in London is tough work. Tinder and dating apps are great, and they've lead me to date some brilliant guys, but does anyone else feel like the guys/girls in London don't like to settle? I feel like because there is SO much choice here, the guys are always on the lookout for the next best thing. I have met plenty of guys over the last few years, but they've all been too young, too fucking moronic or too much of a player. I seem to have a sign above my head that says "Wankers Welcome", and that has slowly worn me down I must say!

It's not all doom and gloom guys.

I LOVE when you've had a successful first date, and you're on your way home, and you can't stop thinking about them. I like to ask my uber driver to put Magic on and look lustfully out the window like I'm in some bloody rom-com. I love when one of my faves like George Micheal comes on, and I well up and start planning my commute from my house to his...pahaha hahaha.

I love/hate the whole texting thing. My entire face lights up when the guy I like texts. I stick to imessage where possible because it is not healthy how much I check the 'read' status on WhatsApp after texting a boy I like. Stick to imessage, and you've only got to battle with watching that text bubble appear and disappear until they finally press 'send'.

I also love that online dating can lead you to meet people you wouldn't typically meet in your normal day to day life. I was stuck on meeting guys that I was getting to know via my social media lifestyle and I quickly realised this wasn't how I wanted to meet someone. Online dating does open you up to a lot more people, serious about dating and I would much prefer to meet someone like this/via a friend. Instagram is not tinder, and I have to keep reminding myself of that!

I'm not so ready to talk about where I'm at right now but let's just say I'm happily dating and I'm enjoying myself! Let's see where it goes, all I know is that I'm definitely up for finding love again. I'm surrounded by a lot of friends who are married, and in love and hell, I want that for myself.

1. Top - Mango Violeta, similar here, & here | 2. Skirt - Elvi (only size 20 left here), similar here | 3. T-Shirt Bra | 4. Faux Leather Jacket | 5. Tights | 6. Ankle Boots, (half sizes available!) | 7. Scarf 

What does everyone else think of dating? Do you love or hate it? I also have quite a bit to say on dating as a plus size woman and I'd also like to share my tips for dressing on a first date.
Let me know on my socials or in the comments below if you'd like to see these two posts from me.

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The importance of staying in your own lane

A conversation with a friend a few week's back inspired me to write a little something on the importance of "staying in your own lane". Obviously, this saying refers to both driving in your designated lane, as well as focusing on yourself (and not other peoples dramas/achievements/goals) and for the record, I am going to talk about the latter in this post!

It is easier said than done...'Just stay focused on yourself, Danie', 'Ignore what so and so is doing, Danie', 'Don't worry unnecessarily over things you can't control, Danie'... all of these things are so hard to do! That cliched quote of "comparison is the thief of joy" really does what it says on the tin. It is EASY to get swept along with the tide of comparison. It sucks you in and then spits you right back out again and before you know it; you're 45 weeks deep on Instagram, on someone's page and feeling like a big bag of shit cos your life ain't so great.

STOP IT! Just stop it.
Do YOU, honey. Do you.

My number one problem when it comes to staying focused on my own journey is when I let the fact I have a chronic illness consume me. In my head, I feel ok... (I mean I have anxiety, and I over worry, and I have Fibro Fog due to my chronic condition) BUT it's my body/pain that lets me down the majority of the time.

I want to achieve SO much, but I physically can't/severely struggle. When I am at my worst, I am home for days on end, lying on my bed/sofa and glued to my phone. I see fellow bloggers posting content, I see friends and family smashing work targets/life goals...and there's little old me, just lying in my four day old PJs and wondering if I'm going to be dropped by my management, forgotten in the blogging world or ever get married/have a baby. That shit eats me alive. I can get so worked up about it at times.

I need to learn to shut it out. Focus on my personal journey, and you need to do the same!

The "joy" of my condition is that I have good days and I have bad days. Even on my good days, I am still in severe pain, but I can put a front on and tackle the day. I need to remember that I do A LOT for someone with chronic pain and I should be really proud of myself and what I manage to/have accomplish/ed.

If you too are struggling with these feelings of self-doubt/jealously then I urge you to join me in attempting to put a lid on it in 2018... (as much as possible)! We need to learn to notice when we are being sucked in by those niggling feelings and we need to step away from the situation. Put the phone down, so you get off Instagram. Write a list of all the good shit you've achieved that week/month/ year. Call or text someone and just tell them straight, tell them "I'm having a confidence wobble and I need some reassurance."

Shop My Look

1. Jumper - lots of similar jumpers here | 2. Skirt - similar here | 3. Boots similar here | 4. Clutch bag similar here

Sadly ALL of the items I am wearing in this post aren't available online anymore but I have tried my best to link similar items.

Photography by JKGPhotography

The friend I was talking to last week gave me some tough love via text. They said:

"I think it's not helpful for you to keep comparing yourself to others."

"I say this with love and adoration."

"Put that energy into being even more amazing."

Bamn! It is just what I NEEDED (I can't say at the time, it was what I WANTED) to hear. It was one of those lightbulb moments. My friend had given me a much-needed boot up the ass, and I am here to do the same for you...

Focus your energy/time spent hating on others/time spent being jealous of others, on YOU!

In 2018 (and beyond) we need to remember that we are all different and that we were all put on this bonkers planet to achieve greatness...in our own special way, at our own special pace.

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5 Looks You Need from M&S Curve

If you follow me on social media you will have seen me discussing my involvement in the recent launch of the M&S Curve range. I was privileged enough to help consult on the range as well as design two LBD's to co-inside with the launch.

When I started my blog, if you would have told me I would move into consultancy work and design work; I wouldn't have believed you. I started my blog as a hobby and now look at me! I am so lucky to be able to say I absolutely love my job! Blogging has enabled me to branch off into so many different creative outlets and long may it continue. In 2018, my two main goals are that I want to do more consultancy work and more design work. I can't wait to see if I manage to achieve either/both of these goals!

M&S Curve

M&S Curve launched 33 pieces online on the 9th January and today see's the collection expand to a total of 100 pieces. Ranging from size 18-32, M&S Curve has been designed with the curve customer in mind and the attention to detail across the range is evident. The Curve collection, for instance, is designed on a size 24 block (as a posed to a size 12 for main range) and details like this mean that our plus size bodies are really taken into consideration from start to finish.

This first SS17 drop comprises of casual daywear pieces, basics, evening wear and fantastic fitting denim. You can see below my edit of favourite pieces and let's not forget the two LBD's I designed! I took my ideas to M&S and they allowed me to design a dress from scratch. We designed three styles with the aim of launching one BUT I/they liked two styles so much...they let me take two to production.

My Curve Edit

Here's a selection of my favourite SS17 M&S Curve pieces.

 My Top 5 Curve Looks

Look 1

Take one sleeveless LBD, add THE comfiest faux leather biker jacket and voila, you have a chic look suitable for a day at work or after work drinks with your friends. The hardwear fastening at the waist and fabric mix make this dress a really unique piece for plus size women.

I am wearing the M&S wide fit trainers in this look (as well as some of the below looks) and FYI they are really comfortable. I am so proud of this dress. Designing this one, along with the dress is Look 3 is one of my proudest achievements.

Look 2

This look incorporates some of my fave things. Cool grey denim, a crisp white shirt and a statement jacket. This sleeveless trench is the softest thing you'll ever feel and is so god damn cool. Style with the collar up and tie the waist belt in a chunky knot.

Look 3

My favourite look from the collection! I may be biased, but I LOVE this Little Black Dress that I designed. I especially love the mesh 3/4 sleeves, the gathered fabric at the waist and the free-flowing strip of fabric at the yoke of the dress. Fling a leather jacket over your shoulders and either style down with trainers or up, with chunky heels.

Look 4

A great fitting jumpsuit is a wardrobe essential in my opinion. They are so versatile and suit everyone no matter your age. I kept this look very simple by styling with a chunky high heel to let the jumpsuit do all the talking. This jumpsuit would also look great worn with flats/trainers.

Look 5

The perfect spring dress. I love the back-waist belt and the way this dress really pulls me in. The colour is muted and looks so good styled with monochrome accessories. I have styled this occasion wear dress for a daytime look BUT add some killer heels and this would be perfect for a wedding or fancy dinner.

Photography by JKGPhotography 

                                                       *This post is written in collaboration with M&S but all words and opinions are my own.

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Smart Works X Navabi - Workwear Wardrobe

Sometimes we quite frankly, need to be educated and when I met with the incredible organisation, Smart Works; that's just what they did. They opened my eyes to something I had honestly never thought about and made me realise just how privileged I am (in more ways than one).

Smart Works is a charity that provides out of work, on low-income women, the chance to kit themselves out with amazing quality workwear so that they are able to go to interviews appropriately dressed. The charity doesn't just dress these women though, they go a lot further than that. Smart Works provide every woman with styling advice as well as interview training so that they can face their interviews with confidence and self belief. 

Many of the clothes that Smart Works receive (as donations) are straight-sized. Where does this leave plus size women you must be thinking?! Well, luckily fantastic companies like navabi help by donating clothes as well as going one step further...

No matter who you are/what background you're from, if you're plus size; looking for work wear is extremely hard. I am asked time and time again to do workwear posts and luckily for you guys, navabi has come up trumps. Buy selling this capsule collection of shirts, dresses, bottoms and blazers, navabi not only stocks fab work wear but they also donate a piece everytime one is sold from this 7 piece collection - how fab is that?

Browse the collection here.

Things I love about Smart Works:

- They are open to anyone who identifies as a woman.
- There are over 150 Stylists available within the organisation that help to dress each woman.
- Smart Works listens to each woman and helps to dress them appropriately, taking religious and personal needs into account.
- Each woman gets to keep their interview outfit as well as getting to go back to the charity to pick a - further 5 pieces to wear if they end up securing a job.
- The Smart Works Stylists don't just help to dress the women, if the particular garments they like, don't fit; the stylists will help to alter the items - making them perfect for the big day.
- After the women have found their perfect outfit, volunteers who all have backgrounds in HR, help the women with interview techniques.
- Even if the women don't get the job they are going for, Smart Works offer some more support post interview. 

Photography by JKGPhotography

What I'm Wearing 

1st Photo: 1. Blazer 2. Shirt 3. Trousers

2nd Photo: 1. Dress

*This post was written in collaboration with navabi. 

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